In that case the best reaction would be: “You disagree? I need to listen to you!” This, instead of neglecting that person. This is about actively looking into the different perspectives instead of avoiding and defending them. Now we are ready for the third paradigm, I seek you out. This is not possible when operating under the paradigm stereotyping. Only when embracing the 'I see you' paradigm and seeing uniqueness in individuals with deep respect, where the strengths of each are combined we can move on to the next paradigm. Seeing only the outside leads to stereotyping. I see you is therefore in sharp contrast with 'I stereotype you'. their values, their frame of reference instead of a unique individual.
You are more than your “side” in a conflict. What do you see when you look to others? Do you see their disability, their race or their beliefs? Or do you see an unique person with their own talents? Covey, defines this paradigm as follow: "I see a whole human being unlike any other, a person of innate worth, endowed with talents, passions, and strengths that are irreplaceable. This paradigm is about not seeing others as things but as people. This brings me to the second paradigm, I see you. When we are able to step outside the boundaries of our own constraints and beliefs, only then we are truly able to see and understand the other because we realize that we are not complete on our own. The 3rd alternative starts with our self. Our own side is only a small part of the picture, based on our frame of reference. Seeing myself is completely different than seeing my side. I choose my own “story.” I see myself is in sharp contract with 'I see my side'. I might share certain beliefs or belong to certain groups, but these do not define me. It asks us: what do you see when you look to yourself? Do you see someone that is open minded, respectful and thoughtful? Or do you see a reflection of someone who is not respecting the other parties and someone who has all the answers? Covey, defines this paradigm as follow: "I see myself as a creative, self-aware human being who is more than the “side” I favor in a conflict. The first paradigm, I see myself is about self-awareness and seeing oneself as unique, who is able to judge and act independently. Only, when going through these paradigms in the right sequence you can reach a 3rd alternative. Each paradigm is the basis for the next paradigm, so the sequence is important. Covey describes 4 paradigms towards 3rd alternative thinking: I see myself, I see you, I seek you out and I synergize with you. 2-Alternative thinkers only see their beliefs, rather than seeing others as humans where they can look passed the beliefs of others. The 3rd alternative looks from the “Interdependence” spectrum: “think win-win” and “seek first to understand than to be understood.” The 3rd alternative conceptĬovey argues that the greatest hurdle towards synergy are thinkers with a 2-alternative mind-set (me versus you or my way versus your way) or thinkers that are stuck in the middle which hope for compromise and therefore do not see a 3rd alterative to a problem or conflict. “Synergy is better than my way or your way. We move on to something new, something that brings new promises, something that excites people and transforms the future.
When we create synergy, we transcend the problem.
#Process 3 alternative plus#
With a compromise, one plus one is at best one and a half. Synergizing could lead to a new perspective and increasing flexibility in relation to how we look at the problem. Hence, to breakthrough problems we’re dealing with we need to take our thinking to a different level. Up to a certain level nothing is wrong with that, we need to have our own opinion and position. Our frame of reference is built-up from experiences gained since our childhood. As humans we are ‘conditioned’ over time and therefore see things from own frame of reference. Einstein once said, "We can’t solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them" (Goodreads, 2020). IntroductionĬonflicts at work or in our personnel lives arise due to the fact we hold on to our own position. By this post I want to share my insights based on his book and hope to inspire you to find a 3rd alternative for challenging problems at work or in your private life. In his book the 3rd alternative, Covey is challenging readers to convey insights gained after reading his book. His works provided me insights which are highly impactful concerning my own life. Personally, I am a great fan of Stephen Covey.
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